it has been one year since i had decided my life sucked. almost exactly to the day. i remember the smell of the library upstairs as i was supposed to be working on my fifty page paper and instead i was blogging and complaining about how horrid my life was. the still of the hum coming from the heaters in the quiet room upstairs. Rows upon rows of books telling me exactly how i was to portray information within these fifty white pages. i was choosing not to write it for various reasons. mostly because i was too lazy to actually go about writing anything at all. really i was not writing because i was trying to "stick it" to my professor. it had been torture attending this class all semester long and this paper was not going to be an easy task to undertake. like many papers i was being given a choice: pick a topic and explain the significance; like many papers i had written before. however, this time, i hated the idea of this paper. no. actually, i loathed it. i did not want to spend hours in the library writing it. i did not want to waste m time coming up with something that i would not really whole-heartedly believe in. something that i would just as soon throw onto my pile of papers to be filed for a later date. Something that would go into my portfolio, but i wouldn't really believe in. But the thing I was not realizing, was that I had a choice. And my choice this day was to be obnoxious. I was choosing to write a paper about not choosing. Not choosing the topic that would make me angry. I was choosing, however, to write about the topic of not choosing. By not choosing a topic or a style, I was actually choosing one. I was making it all subjective; as the English degree is primarily understood.
While I try to be completely objective in my writing, and in my life for that matter, EVERYONE will see it in their own way. Everyone. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas. And here, in this new year, I will make it known: I respect you. All of you. You have the right to your opinions and your views. I respect that. Got to be a trick right? Nope. No strings attached. But all I ask for in return is that you respect me. I will not judge you, but I ask you not to judge me in return.
I am choosing to write about a time when I was being indignant towards a subject matter. I did not want to write according to the actual subject matter. I was irritated at having to stay inside the lines. I was proverbially "sticking it to the man." And in this case, it could have caused me a passing grade.
By choosing now to respect you, friends, I am hoping you know that I am again, sticking it to the man. And in this case it is a worldwide man. I see so many passing judgement on others and it truly saddens me. Do we not realize we are also being judged? And at times, unfairly. So put this to our own lives. Would we want to be judged in such a manner?
The new year. Time for fresh starts. New ideas. Clean slates. Fearlessness.
I for one choose, in the year 2011, to be fearless. Take risks. Jump. And know something is there to catch me. TO have Faith in the unknown. Belief in the impossible. Subjectively choose to not judge, respect all, and most importantly to love. Hopefully I am not seen as rebellious in my ideas. But I'm ok with that if I am.
And maybe I'll still get a passing grade.
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