race day

step on that line. drive off it. and go. no regrets. fight the good fight. race the life out of your legs. but know you will live to run an race another day. there is always something more.
dig. dig deep. get those legs churning. fight for every position. get out there and kill the course.
know that when you collapse across that line, you have given everything. leave the course with nothing. you have given your all.
no regrets.

The here and now...

"We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less."

For some reason this quote really struck me this week. Another Runner's World Quote of the day email, and I sat staring. Not off into space as most of you seem to catch me (all four of you who read this? :)). But entranced by the power these words were running through me. They literally hit me. I have a mark on my face; backwards type in those words. This is my life. In more ways than I can wonder.



If I had been on top of things, this last week would have been a post a day. And there was a slight theme going on. Anyone guess?? COUGH *BELIEF* COUGH. Excuse me! Not only for runners all around, but it was cathartic for me to type those words down. Sometimes I learn and remember things better when I have to write them myself. Or experience them myself. And sometimes, even after doing so, I take a bit to learn the message. Ooops.
But anyways, belief. How can we be made to believe? Well that right there is a problem. We cannot be "made" to believe. It almost has to come naturally. But like I said, we can work everyday to believing. It is taking things, moment by moment. We cannot look to our past. Though we may want to. There are some major highlights back there. We want to use those, but we are not the same person we were four years ago. Or even four days ago. We are more experienced, seasoned, learned. We cannot look to our future either. While we can plan events that may occur, we must let them happen. It might not be the way we expect it, but there is a higher power out there. Knowing exactly what He wants for us. We can never know. We can just be prepared. Living in the moment gives us that.
In running focusing on the here and now, we are able to complete things we once though impossible. How am I breathing at this moment, What is my body doing right now? How can I fix this to run faster? How can I shift to stop the blister from forming? Or to stop my hip from hurting?
We are better than we know. Living in the moment prepares us for the upcoming. We have no limits, therefore we must live limitless. Believing we are capable of great things. Able to accomplish such things deemed impossible. With limits we settle for the mediocre. Or what we may think is spectacular. Which it is! But there is always more. And we must believe we are capable of more.

Believe, Believe, Believe.

Act as if you already are. This is one of the many mantras that we employ when it comes time to go after a goal that is beyond what has already been accomplished. Breaking new ground physically requires you to first break that mental barrier so that it can come into being.
--Terrence Mahon, Team Running USA's head coach


I guess it is time for me to take a little of my own medicine. Practice what I preach, so to speak. And really I always act like I know what I'm doing. No one really knows that I actually have no clue what I am doing and just faking it til I make it. Ha. Now you know my secret. It is all the art of giving CRAP. But eventually in acting like I know what I am doing, I find that I learn it. Or maybe already knew it. So maybe if I act like I believe I will. But really, I have believed all along.

Over the last, I guess 5 months, I have been lucky enough to run. I say lucky enough because I have the time to. Yes, I am working multiple jobs, and sometimes let the laundry slide a bit, but I have the time. And now I have come to a point where I can even find the time to wake up at five in the morning and get that run in. I am committed. But honestly, I am addicted.

I have become so addicted in fact that twenty minutes a day just won't do it for me. I need more. I need my fix. So instead of doing just one simple twenty minute run... I do two. But one of those is slightly longer... Click. Oh man... Along with high mileage comes an in-the-gutter mental state... just sayin'.

Anyways, it is a difficult task to take one two-a-days. To say the least you must be patient and understand the actual limits of your body, while still pushing that envelope. It is very helpful for me, at least on workout days, to take that other run and flush out my legs. Get all the gook out. And even look at it as my one time to have a bad run.



In a form, what we do as runners is callous ourselves. We do not merely become stronger or faster simply from just running. No, we make our bodies stand up to the limits and obstacles, by forming and shaping them. We prepare them for battle day in and day out. By doing two-a-days, by facing gale force winds head on, by embarking on a difficult tempo in the pouring, driving rain. All these and more. We burn these difficult times into our memories, bringing them back into our presence only in tat moment of pure desperation. That moment when your mind and body want to quit. That moment you want to give up and give in. That moment you want to stop believing. Here is where the actions you have previously taken, the strides you have already made, and the callouses you have already worn, come into play. You have done the work. It is there. The rain drops leaving marks on your skin like bruises. Your muscles remembering ten milers, thousands, sprints. You have done all this and so much more. Your mind has been grooved and shaped with hours and hours of concentration. It takes a lot of patience and humility to make it through these workouts. Miles of Trials. Trials of Miles. It is that mere moment that your mind wants to give up and pack it in that you must ignore yourself. You are in a really emotional state. You have no idea what you are thinking. So stop. Just believe, damn it.
So much easier said than done right?? Well DUH! If it were easy they'd call it... well finish that however you want.

You have set the goals. You have done the work. You have to believe.

I have set the goals. I have done the work. I have to believe.

Don't look back... Look ahead... Always be moving forward...

Mmm... morning coffee.
Since I did not write a lot this summer, I've decided that I need to more. Be prepared followers. All... two of you. Thanks for listening. --But also be prepared for some random...
So today is one of those days that I would love to be able to sleep all day. Not only because I am exhausted, but because it is pure YUCK outside. But these are also my favorite days to run. Yes, I said it, RUN.



This morning, I woke up to my new favorite song. It is quite good, and I am going to promote it. YA! Tyler Hilton. I Believe In You.

The title. I. Believe. In. You. How many times have you heard those words spoken to you? And I mean directly? I don't know if I've heard them all too many times. I've said them to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth before a hard workout maybe. But I can always see the glimmer of self doubt that immediately follows.
Right now I am an extremely lucky girl. I've been given the time to improve upon my fitness and actually run well for once in my life. You would think this would make e excited and happy. Ecstatic even since I have never run this well in my life, and yet I still do not feel "in shape." But here's the thing... Self Doubt. Stupid.
We all have it. Everyone. In more than just running too. We can doubt in everything we do. But for right now I am going to talk about running, although it can all be used in everything and everyday life.

They say running is 90% mental. I believe this to be true. It is coming up to that mental barrier everyday and breaking through it. But I think that 89.9% of that is belief. If we trust and believe we can do anything. The work is all there and all done, but can we truly believe?
Believe that when push comes to shove, you will be able to run with the best. Believe that you can push your body past any limit. Believe that in cresting the hill, you will not slow down, but put in a surge and roll. Believe that you can run yourself to within an inch of your life and still live to run another day. Believe that taking a risk is the right thing to do and going for it, putting your whole self in. Believe that even if you fall, you will be able to pick yourself up. Believe that there are many that love you. And are excited for you. And want the best for you. Believe that you can do great things.

So instead of sleeping and sitting back, today I am going to believe. I am going to run. And I a going to fly. You should too. Believe that everything we do, although difficult, will aid in our life's journey.

Pain is the fuel of passion- it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don’t normally possess.- C.S. Lewis

Catch Up....

I don't remember the last time my mind was just able to shut off. To relax, take a sigh of relief and be still. The last few months have been a complete whirlwind with an extremely busy lifestyle. I've felt that I have had multiple full time jobs and a couple part time ones as well. But I'm lucky to really love what I do everyday.

I realized this luck this summer. I was able to meet some amazing people at camp. Some have become people I will turn to many years down the road. Some new and some I've always known from going to camp. We've just become closer. These people, I don't know what it is, but they are awesome. I miss camp. Ha.
These people reminded me: I could have things a lot worse, so why not live with love.

Adding to my already wonderful support group, I am an extremely lucky girl.



All of friends and family have come to inspire me on a daily basis. So thank you. Thank you all. I am an extremely difficult person. And I am sorry for that. But I love you all so very much. Thank you for your love, time, support, coffee, food, rides, everything. You're the best...



I wouldn't be on this road without you. I wouldn't be able to make it alone.

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.”
- T.E. Lawrence

So for some reason lately I am on this "Quote of the Day" kick. And today is just a continuation. Not only am I getting most of them from emails, but I find things people say are also influencing my interest.

Last week, I was given the opportunity to go to the Gig Harbor High School Class of 2010's graduation ceremonies. While yes I am an alumnus of the Gig, those who were freshmen when I was a senior have already taken their walk with Pomp and Circumstance. This class is one of the last ones I will still feel comfortable going to. I still have at least two more!



Anyways, to get to some semblence of a point, I must say that the class speakers this year were truly incredible. Taking risks and chances I have seen few others take. By far one of my favorite ever was that of Kenny Alfred just a year before my own graduation. He stood largely confident in front of his peers and recited his interpretation of a speech given by the President of the United States in the movie Independence Day. Obviously, hilarity ensued, but he did get his point across: To get out into the world. Because we can and we should.
During my graduation ceremonies we heard speakers tell a story of a young man building a trampoline and the fights and obstacles he had to endure. Upon a first encounter of the speech, one would think that there was really nothing in it that would relate to a high school graduation. However, upon a deeper interpretation, you could say that our clsas speakers were preparing us for the world we are now facing today. We are running into many obstacles: no job, little money, debt, etc. We have no idea what to do with our lives. Or maybe that is just me.
However, on this graduation day, I found myself being inspired to reach out. One particular speaker spoke of a different way of being, one thing I have truly been grappling with as of late. He said, in no uncertain terms, that what if our dreams are wrong. We are raised to dream and believe that we will go to college, graduate, meet our husbands or wives, have a huge house with a lot of money and nice cars, raise children and they will go on to do the same things. But what if those dreams are not fulfilling.


While it is a scary undertaking, that which makes uus happy, may not be the high paying job we are all supposed to get. I for one cannot see myself sitting at a desk for the rest of my life. My life cannot and should not solely be about making money to survive. It is just like in the toughest workout of the year in cross country. We are not meant to survive. Life is not about survuving, going through the motions to get to the next day or the next interval. Life is supposed to be about living. Thriving.
In questioning whether these dreams are the right ones, the speaker went on to say that it is ok, to find other things which make you happy. Living a life in which you are helping others. Living a life in which you get to smile everyday. Obviously money makes things less stressful and more comfortable, but does it truly make us happy?

This is our time. We must go out into the world and face these obstacles. We must face them head on, because life is going to be full of obstacles. And one of the greatest of these is going to be finding our own dreams. And as the quote at the top of the page says, taking those dreams and living them. Putting them into action. Making them a reality.

The more I thought about what I get to do, the less I realized I had to do. It was just a shift, just a new perspective, just a new and more grateful method for labeling the things in my life. Think about it—if you stopped yourself every single time you were about to say, "I have to" and changed it to "I get to," it might change your entire experience.

While checking my email one morning, I heard the expected "bing" of my Outlook Express telling me I had new mail. At times I feel a bit of excitement thinking it may be my mom sending me a "Good Morning!" or maybe I have a new coupon or save this much email. Although, I don't have the money, it is still exciting to see that I could save 30% more at American Eagle because I signed up to get their emails. Maybe I am getting a new cookie recipe! Yum!
Well on this day it was none of the above, rather, it was a wonderful Runner's World Quote of the day email. For quite sometime, I was never truly in a good mood running wise so I stopped reading them. I felt that if I did not read them, I would not feel guilty about how awful my runs were going. How much I would have rather slept and cuddled up than put myself through a few miles of pure torture.
For some reason, something was pushing me to click on this email. Open it. Read it.
Upon a quick tap of the bar a slight cringe through my shoulders causing my eyes to shut slightly, I leaned backwards trying to avoid the blow I was going to face.
Though, no blow at all. This beautiful quote. One that inspired me to immediately put on my shoes and get out the door. And fly. I hadn't done it in far too long. And I still haven't since. But I know that I can. I get to.
What if I put this quote to use in everything I do, not just running? I get to wake up in the morning. I get to run twice a day. I get to eat oatmeal with berries. I get to hang out with a seven year old every morning before I take him to school. I get to wait for someone to finally respond to my resume. I get to.
I get to believe. I get to have faith. I get to have joy in my life even when I don't think I deserve any. I get to stand up and smile every day. Especially when I don't feel like I can. I get to.
More importantly, I get to live. There are days that are definitely worse than others. Days when I just feel exhausted. Cannot move. Days when my down comforter weighs me down and feels warmer than the brisk air filling my bedroom. I don't have to get up and face the day. I GET to.

So live. love. laugh. believe. dream. achieve. take chances. Not because you have to. But because you get to.

Happy Mother's Day!

Wow. I do not believe we could have had a better day given to us. The grass is green and freshly mowed. The sky is the bluest of blues. And the sun is shining down and browning our thirsty, pale skin.
This day is so important. It is the one day where we get to celebrate our mothers. Although, we should not only use this day as a day of celebration. We should look at it as a reminder to celebrate these wonderful people EVERY day. They do so much for us and we have no idea.
I am lucky enough to have multiple "mother" types. I have the mothers who watch out for me while my own is not sitting right next to me. The mothers who take me out to dinner, pay for my ticket to the meet, call me to make sure I'm ok. Coffee. Food. Road trips. Anything and everything. It makes me miss my own mom of course, but I feel so blessed to have so many family and non-family members treat me so well. Treat me just like their own daughter. So in my own simple way I would like to say I love you. And thank you. You have no idea the true impact you all have had. Not only on me, but giving my mom the knowledge that I am taken care of. I am safe.

Thank you Moms. You are well-loved.

Senses

Getting up every morning, throwing feet to the cold hard floor. Taking the steps towards the door, realizing "normal people" do not do this.
Thirty minutes from now messengers will gather with one task at hand: spread the word with pounding feet.
Digging through drawers, wishing the clothes had been chosen the night before. One quick check out the door proves the crispness in the air. Smacked in the face, stinging the nostrils, cracking inside ears, choking the breath, burning tears to the eyes. Those same tears causing the dainty lashes to stick together from the slight moisture of the earlier splash of water meant in hopes to a deeper wakening.
In the final moments prior to leaving for the meeting of miles, adjusting hat and gloves while savoring the last moments of warmth. All this while secretly loathing those still asleep in their kindhearted and toasty slumber. Those whose minds are still dreaming of childlike stories and bizarre materializations.
Hoping to trick the body, waiting for it to realize the potential amount of activity which is to take place in the next hours. Miles occurring under hundreds of footfalls. Trial of Miles, Miles of Trials. Who could every possibly understand that?
Reaching the others, falling in stride around the morning loop. Passing through empty streets, the first of the brave exiting houses for the morning paper, some have not even been delivered yet.
Runners' minds wander throughout these treks, some to the homework not yet completed, for the early lab, even to the previous night's dreams even to the rest of the day's events. In the great minds, these things reach only for a moment. The real thoughts being consumed are the senses overwhelming and filling the body as each strike hits and vibrates through and over: The soft groan and "flicka" of feet making contact with snow covered sidewalks and trails, but quickly, efficiently, leaving a trail for others to find. The moist, and yet simply dry taste left on your cotton mouthed tongue. Sweet stinging smell of crisp and brisk and icy all at the same time, left in your nostrils. The emptiness of the open streets-only the expanse of the road limiting how wide the runners gait. And, yet still crowded as the sun rises and light slowly fills the darkness taking space away from the quickening runners. The acceleration floats and pricks cheeks as ever-awakening legs build to speed. Many would think it an icy feeling on the body, but these harriers have layered to perfection- creating warmth and yet cool; pleasant even in these frigid temps.
Rounding turns and streets, the steps strike down forcefully. Smacking the ground with force and determination and yet efficiently that no sound is heard. Toes gaining the last bit of force off the ground; propelling forward to the finish. To goals. To dreams.

It's been awhile... since I could say...

I realized today that my life is my life. No one can take that from me. And I have been giving it to other people for far too long. I want to live and enjoy myself. I want to climb mountains. I want to get tattoos and piercings. I want to run miles and miles of road, trail, and rock. I want to see the desert sky painted in the morning sun. I want to feel the rain on the first day of spring. I want to smile every single day.

Up until now, I have not let myself be me. Now... now is different.

Get 'er done.

Though I am no where near the magnitude of great wisdom like other thinkers of our time, I have been pondering some major thoughts. Big girl thoughts. Things I, as a twenty-two year old, don't know if I am ready or am even capable of handling.

Why is it that only in our deepest times of need we call to God? Or even just in any time of need or despair for that matter. Watching as the world passes me by so quickly that the wind from the speed blows my hair in thousands of directions, and I kind of like it, I wonder, why do I do this? Why do I cry and cry and ask God to help me through this time of need. Jesus did it hours before he was nailed to the cross. He asked for God's help. I do try to pray everyday. And I try to not ask. In my day-to-day life I try not to ask. If you really know me, you know very well that I do not, or rarely so, ask for help. Anything from homework, to moving my bed to a different wall, or even financially, I do not ask for help. This is even to a fault at times. I have gotten myself into trouble not asking for help. But I have absolutely no problem asking God. I do not know for sure why this is so. Maybe because I have no idea how to trust anyone. No idea how to ask. No idea how to take help.

Honestly, I have no clue where I am going with this. However, within the last couple of weeks, I have had to take some major big girl steps. And yes, my birth certificate will verify that I am actually an adult, I am twenty-two in fact. Though, I am still a major kid and majorly immature at heart. Not to say I do not know when to be a grown-up though. I really do. But recently, I have really had to step it up. Scary thought for many, Meaghan having ACTUAL responsibility. Ha.

I guess what I am saying, is that I do not have to worry. And neither should anyone else. I will ask for help. God is there. God is always there. And I have no problem asking for his help. His guidance and His support. And luckily, He is kind enough to listen.