it has been one year since i had decided my life sucked. almost exactly to the day. i remember the smell of the library upstairs as i was supposed to be working on my fifty page paper and instead i was blogging and complaining about how horrid my life was. the still of the hum coming from the heaters in the quiet room upstairs. Rows upon rows of books telling me exactly how i was to portray information within these fifty white pages. i was choosing not to write it for various reasons. mostly because i was too lazy to actually go about writing anything at all. really i was not writing because i was trying to "stick it" to my professor. it had been torture attending this class all semester long and this paper was not going to be an easy task to undertake. like many papers i was being given a choice: pick a topic and explain the significance; like many papers i had written before. however, this time, i hated the idea of this paper. no. actually, i loathed it. i did not want to spend hours in the library writing it. i did not want to waste m time coming up with something that i would not really whole-heartedly believe in. something that i would just as soon throw onto my pile of papers to be filed for a later date. Something that would go into my portfolio, but i wouldn't really believe in. But the thing I was not realizing, was that I had a choice. And my choice this day was to be obnoxious. I was choosing to write a paper about not choosing. Not choosing the topic that would make me angry. I was choosing, however, to write about the topic of not choosing. By not choosing a topic or a style, I was actually choosing one. I was making it all subjective; as the English degree is primarily understood.
While I try to be completely objective in my writing, and in my life for that matter, EVERYONE will see it in their own way. Everyone. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas. And here, in this new year, I will make it known: I respect you. All of you. You have the right to your opinions and your views. I respect that. Got to be a trick right? Nope. No strings attached. But all I ask for in return is that you respect me. I will not judge you, but I ask you not to judge me in return.
I am choosing to write about a time when I was being indignant towards a subject matter. I did not want to write according to the actual subject matter. I was irritated at having to stay inside the lines. I was proverbially "sticking it to the man." And in this case, it could have caused me a passing grade.
By choosing now to respect you, friends, I am hoping you know that I am again, sticking it to the man. And in this case it is a worldwide man. I see so many passing judgement on others and it truly saddens me. Do we not realize we are also being judged? And at times, unfairly. So put this to our own lives. Would we want to be judged in such a manner?
The new year. Time for fresh starts. New ideas. Clean slates. Fearlessness.
I for one choose, in the year 2011, to be fearless. Take risks. Jump. And know something is there to catch me. TO have Faith in the unknown. Belief in the impossible. Subjectively choose to not judge, respect all, and most importantly to love. Hopefully I am not seen as rebellious in my ideas. But I'm ok with that if I am.
And maybe I'll still get a passing grade.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, November 4, 2010
race day
step on that line. drive off it. and go. no regrets. fight the good fight. race the life out of your legs. but know you will live to run an race another day. there is always something more.
dig. dig deep. get those legs churning. fight for every position. get out there and kill the course.
know that when you collapse across that line, you have given everything. leave the course with nothing. you have given your all.
no regrets.
dig. dig deep. get those legs churning. fight for every position. get out there and kill the course.
know that when you collapse across that line, you have given everything. leave the course with nothing. you have given your all.
no regrets.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The here and now...
"We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less."
For some reason this quote really struck me this week. Another Runner's World Quote of the day email, and I sat staring. Not off into space as most of you seem to catch me (all four of you who read this? :)). But entranced by the power these words were running through me. They literally hit me. I have a mark on my face; backwards type in those words. This is my life. In more ways than I can wonder.
If I had been on top of things, this last week would have been a post a day. And there was a slight theme going on. Anyone guess?? COUGH *BELIEF* COUGH. Excuse me! Not only for runners all around, but it was cathartic for me to type those words down. Sometimes I learn and remember things better when I have to write them myself. Or experience them myself. And sometimes, even after doing so, I take a bit to learn the message. Ooops.
But anyways, belief. How can we be made to believe? Well that right there is a problem. We cannot be "made" to believe. It almost has to come naturally. But like I said, we can work everyday to believing. It is taking things, moment by moment. We cannot look to our past. Though we may want to. There are some major highlights back there. We want to use those, but we are not the same person we were four years ago. Or even four days ago. We are more experienced, seasoned, learned. We cannot look to our future either. While we can plan events that may occur, we must let them happen. It might not be the way we expect it, but there is a higher power out there. Knowing exactly what He wants for us. We can never know. We can just be prepared. Living in the moment gives us that.
In running focusing on the here and now, we are able to complete things we once though impossible. How am I breathing at this moment, What is my body doing right now? How can I fix this to run faster? How can I shift to stop the blister from forming? Or to stop my hip from hurting?
We are better than we know. Living in the moment prepares us for the upcoming. We have no limits, therefore we must live limitless. Believing we are capable of great things. Able to accomplish such things deemed impossible. With limits we settle for the mediocre. Or what we may think is spectacular. Which it is! But there is always more. And we must believe we are capable of more.
For some reason this quote really struck me this week. Another Runner's World Quote of the day email, and I sat staring. Not off into space as most of you seem to catch me (all four of you who read this? :)). But entranced by the power these words were running through me. They literally hit me. I have a mark on my face; backwards type in those words. This is my life. In more ways than I can wonder.
If I had been on top of things, this last week would have been a post a day. And there was a slight theme going on. Anyone guess?? COUGH *BELIEF* COUGH. Excuse me! Not only for runners all around, but it was cathartic for me to type those words down. Sometimes I learn and remember things better when I have to write them myself. Or experience them myself. And sometimes, even after doing so, I take a bit to learn the message. Ooops.
But anyways, belief. How can we be made to believe? Well that right there is a problem. We cannot be "made" to believe. It almost has to come naturally. But like I said, we can work everyday to believing. It is taking things, moment by moment. We cannot look to our past. Though we may want to. There are some major highlights back there. We want to use those, but we are not the same person we were four years ago. Or even four days ago. We are more experienced, seasoned, learned. We cannot look to our future either. While we can plan events that may occur, we must let them happen. It might not be the way we expect it, but there is a higher power out there. Knowing exactly what He wants for us. We can never know. We can just be prepared. Living in the moment gives us that.
In running focusing on the here and now, we are able to complete things we once though impossible. How am I breathing at this moment, What is my body doing right now? How can I fix this to run faster? How can I shift to stop the blister from forming? Or to stop my hip from hurting?
We are better than we know. Living in the moment prepares us for the upcoming. We have no limits, therefore we must live limitless. Believing we are capable of great things. Able to accomplish such things deemed impossible. With limits we settle for the mediocre. Or what we may think is spectacular. Which it is! But there is always more. And we must believe we are capable of more.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Believe, Believe, Believe.
Act as if you already are. This is one of the many mantras that we employ when it comes time to go after a goal that is beyond what has already been accomplished. Breaking new ground physically requires you to first break that mental barrier so that it can come into being.
--Terrence Mahon, Team Running USA's head coach
I guess it is time for me to take a little of my own medicine. Practice what I preach, so to speak. And really I always act like I know what I'm doing. No one really knows that I actually have no clue what I am doing and just faking it til I make it. Ha. Now you know my secret. It is all the art of giving CRAP. But eventually in acting like I know what I am doing, I find that I learn it. Or maybe already knew it. So maybe if I act like I believe I will. But really, I have believed all along.
Over the last, I guess 5 months, I have been lucky enough to run. I say lucky enough because I have the time to. Yes, I am working multiple jobs, and sometimes let the laundry slide a bit, but I have the time. And now I have come to a point where I can even find the time to wake up at five in the morning and get that run in. I am committed. But honestly, I am addicted.
I have become so addicted in fact that twenty minutes a day just won't do it for me. I need more. I need my fix. So instead of doing just one simple twenty minute run... I do two. But one of those is slightly longer... Click. Oh man... Along with high mileage comes an in-the-gutter mental state... just sayin'.
Anyways, it is a difficult task to take one two-a-days. To say the least you must be patient and understand the actual limits of your body, while still pushing that envelope. It is very helpful for me, at least on workout days, to take that other run and flush out my legs. Get all the gook out. And even look at it as my one time to have a bad run.
In a form, what we do as runners is callous ourselves. We do not merely become stronger or faster simply from just running. No, we make our bodies stand up to the limits and obstacles, by forming and shaping them. We prepare them for battle day in and day out. By doing two-a-days, by facing gale force winds head on, by embarking on a difficult tempo in the pouring, driving rain. All these and more. We burn these difficult times into our memories, bringing them back into our presence only in tat moment of pure desperation. That moment when your mind and body want to quit. That moment you want to give up and give in. That moment you want to stop believing. Here is where the actions you have previously taken, the strides you have already made, and the callouses you have already worn, come into play. You have done the work. It is there. The rain drops leaving marks on your skin like bruises. Your muscles remembering ten milers, thousands, sprints. You have done all this and so much more. Your mind has been grooved and shaped with hours and hours of concentration. It takes a lot of patience and humility to make it through these workouts. Miles of Trials. Trials of Miles. It is that mere moment that your mind wants to give up and pack it in that you must ignore yourself. You are in a really emotional state. You have no idea what you are thinking. So stop. Just believe, damn it.
So much easier said than done right?? Well DUH! If it were easy they'd call it... well finish that however you want.
You have set the goals. You have done the work. You have to believe.
I have set the goals. I have done the work. I have to believe.
--Terrence Mahon, Team Running USA's head coach
I guess it is time for me to take a little of my own medicine. Practice what I preach, so to speak. And really I always act like I know what I'm doing. No one really knows that I actually have no clue what I am doing and just faking it til I make it. Ha. Now you know my secret. It is all the art of giving CRAP. But eventually in acting like I know what I am doing, I find that I learn it. Or maybe already knew it. So maybe if I act like I believe I will. But really, I have believed all along.
Over the last, I guess 5 months, I have been lucky enough to run. I say lucky enough because I have the time to. Yes, I am working multiple jobs, and sometimes let the laundry slide a bit, but I have the time. And now I have come to a point where I can even find the time to wake up at five in the morning and get that run in. I am committed. But honestly, I am addicted.
I have become so addicted in fact that twenty minutes a day just won't do it for me. I need more. I need my fix. So instead of doing just one simple twenty minute run... I do two. But one of those is slightly longer... Click. Oh man... Along with high mileage comes an in-the-gutter mental state... just sayin'.
Anyways, it is a difficult task to take one two-a-days. To say the least you must be patient and understand the actual limits of your body, while still pushing that envelope. It is very helpful for me, at least on workout days, to take that other run and flush out my legs. Get all the gook out. And even look at it as my one time to have a bad run.
In a form, what we do as runners is callous ourselves. We do not merely become stronger or faster simply from just running. No, we make our bodies stand up to the limits and obstacles, by forming and shaping them. We prepare them for battle day in and day out. By doing two-a-days, by facing gale force winds head on, by embarking on a difficult tempo in the pouring, driving rain. All these and more. We burn these difficult times into our memories, bringing them back into our presence only in tat moment of pure desperation. That moment when your mind and body want to quit. That moment you want to give up and give in. That moment you want to stop believing. Here is where the actions you have previously taken, the strides you have already made, and the callouses you have already worn, come into play. You have done the work. It is there. The rain drops leaving marks on your skin like bruises. Your muscles remembering ten milers, thousands, sprints. You have done all this and so much more. Your mind has been grooved and shaped with hours and hours of concentration. It takes a lot of patience and humility to make it through these workouts. Miles of Trials. Trials of Miles. It is that mere moment that your mind wants to give up and pack it in that you must ignore yourself. You are in a really emotional state. You have no idea what you are thinking. So stop. Just believe, damn it.
So much easier said than done right?? Well DUH! If it were easy they'd call it... well finish that however you want.
You have set the goals. You have done the work. You have to believe.
I have set the goals. I have done the work. I have to believe.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Don't look back... Look ahead... Always be moving forward...
Mmm... morning coffee.
Since I did not write a lot this summer, I've decided that I need to more. Be prepared followers. All... two of you. Thanks for listening. --But also be prepared for some random...
So today is one of those days that I would love to be able to sleep all day. Not only because I am exhausted, but because it is pure YUCK outside. But these are also my favorite days to run. Yes, I said it, RUN.
This morning, I woke up to my new favorite song. It is quite good, and I am going to promote it. YA! Tyler Hilton. I Believe In You.
The title. I. Believe. In. You. How many times have you heard those words spoken to you? And I mean directly? I don't know if I've heard them all too many times. I've said them to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth before a hard workout maybe. But I can always see the glimmer of self doubt that immediately follows.
Right now I am an extremely lucky girl. I've been given the time to improve upon my fitness and actually run well for once in my life. You would think this would make e excited and happy. Ecstatic even since I have never run this well in my life, and yet I still do not feel "in shape." But here's the thing... Self Doubt. Stupid.
We all have it. Everyone. In more than just running too. We can doubt in everything we do. But for right now I am going to talk about running, although it can all be used in everything and everyday life.
They say running is 90% mental. I believe this to be true. It is coming up to that mental barrier everyday and breaking through it. But I think that 89.9% of that is belief. If we trust and believe we can do anything. The work is all there and all done, but can we truly believe?
Believe that when push comes to shove, you will be able to run with the best. Believe that you can push your body past any limit. Believe that in cresting the hill, you will not slow down, but put in a surge and roll. Believe that you can run yourself to within an inch of your life and still live to run another day. Believe that taking a risk is the right thing to do and going for it, putting your whole self in. Believe that even if you fall, you will be able to pick yourself up. Believe that there are many that love you. And are excited for you. And want the best for you. Believe that you can do great things.
So instead of sleeping and sitting back, today I am going to believe. I am going to run. And I a going to fly. You should too. Believe that everything we do, although difficult, will aid in our life's journey.
Pain is the fuel of passion- it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don’t normally possess.- C.S. Lewis
Since I did not write a lot this summer, I've decided that I need to more. Be prepared followers. All... two of you. Thanks for listening. --But also be prepared for some random...
So today is one of those days that I would love to be able to sleep all day. Not only because I am exhausted, but because it is pure YUCK outside. But these are also my favorite days to run. Yes, I said it, RUN.
This morning, I woke up to my new favorite song. It is quite good, and I am going to promote it. YA! Tyler Hilton. I Believe In You.
The title. I. Believe. In. You. How many times have you heard those words spoken to you? And I mean directly? I don't know if I've heard them all too many times. I've said them to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth before a hard workout maybe. But I can always see the glimmer of self doubt that immediately follows.
Right now I am an extremely lucky girl. I've been given the time to improve upon my fitness and actually run well for once in my life. You would think this would make e excited and happy. Ecstatic even since I have never run this well in my life, and yet I still do not feel "in shape." But here's the thing... Self Doubt. Stupid.
We all have it. Everyone. In more than just running too. We can doubt in everything we do. But for right now I am going to talk about running, although it can all be used in everything and everyday life.
They say running is 90% mental. I believe this to be true. It is coming up to that mental barrier everyday and breaking through it. But I think that 89.9% of that is belief. If we trust and believe we can do anything. The work is all there and all done, but can we truly believe?
Believe that when push comes to shove, you will be able to run with the best. Believe that you can push your body past any limit. Believe that in cresting the hill, you will not slow down, but put in a surge and roll. Believe that you can run yourself to within an inch of your life and still live to run another day. Believe that taking a risk is the right thing to do and going for it, putting your whole self in. Believe that even if you fall, you will be able to pick yourself up. Believe that there are many that love you. And are excited for you. And want the best for you. Believe that you can do great things.
So instead of sleeping and sitting back, today I am going to believe. I am going to run. And I a going to fly. You should too. Believe that everything we do, although difficult, will aid in our life's journey.
Pain is the fuel of passion- it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don’t normally possess.- C.S. Lewis
Catch Up....
I don't remember the last time my mind was just able to shut off. To relax, take a sigh of relief and be still. The last few months have been a complete whirlwind with an extremely busy lifestyle. I've felt that I have had multiple full time jobs and a couple part time ones as well. But I'm lucky to really love what I do everyday.
I realized this luck this summer. I was able to meet some amazing people at camp. Some have become people I will turn to many years down the road. Some new and some I've always known from going to camp. We've just become closer. These people, I don't know what it is, but they are awesome. I miss camp. Ha.
These people reminded me: I could have things a lot worse, so why not live with love.
Adding to my already wonderful support group, I am an extremely lucky girl.
All of friends and family have come to inspire me on a daily basis. So thank you. Thank you all. I am an extremely difficult person. And I am sorry for that. But I love you all so very much. Thank you for your love, time, support, coffee, food, rides, everything. You're the best...
I wouldn't be on this road without you. I wouldn't be able to make it alone.
I realized this luck this summer. I was able to meet some amazing people at camp. Some have become people I will turn to many years down the road. Some new and some I've always known from going to camp. We've just become closer. These people, I don't know what it is, but they are awesome. I miss camp. Ha.
These people reminded me: I could have things a lot worse, so why not live with love.
Adding to my already wonderful support group, I am an extremely lucky girl.
All of friends and family have come to inspire me on a daily basis. So thank you. Thank you all. I am an extremely difficult person. And I am sorry for that. But I love you all so very much. Thank you for your love, time, support, coffee, food, rides, everything. You're the best...
I wouldn't be on this road without you. I wouldn't be able to make it alone.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.”
- T.E. Lawrence
So for some reason lately I am on this "Quote of the Day" kick. And today is just a continuation. Not only am I getting most of them from emails, but I find things people say are also influencing my interest.
Last week, I was given the opportunity to go to the Gig Harbor High School Class of 2010's graduation ceremonies. While yes I am an alumnus of the Gig, those who were freshmen when I was a senior have already taken their walk with Pomp and Circumstance. This class is one of the last ones I will still feel comfortable going to. I still have at least two more!
Anyways, to get to some semblence of a point, I must say that the class speakers this year were truly incredible. Taking risks and chances I have seen few others take. By far one of my favorite ever was that of Kenny Alfred just a year before my own graduation. He stood largely confident in front of his peers and recited his interpretation of a speech given by the President of the United States in the movie Independence Day. Obviously, hilarity ensued, but he did get his point across: To get out into the world. Because we can and we should.
During my graduation ceremonies we heard speakers tell a story of a young man building a trampoline and the fights and obstacles he had to endure. Upon a first encounter of the speech, one would think that there was really nothing in it that would relate to a high school graduation. However, upon a deeper interpretation, you could say that our clsas speakers were preparing us for the world we are now facing today. We are running into many obstacles: no job, little money, debt, etc. We have no idea what to do with our lives. Or maybe that is just me.
However, on this graduation day, I found myself being inspired to reach out. One particular speaker spoke of a different way of being, one thing I have truly been grappling with as of late. He said, in no uncertain terms, that what if our dreams are wrong. We are raised to dream and believe that we will go to college, graduate, meet our husbands or wives, have a huge house with a lot of money and nice cars, raise children and they will go on to do the same things. But what if those dreams are not fulfilling.
While it is a scary undertaking, that which makes uus happy, may not be the high paying job we are all supposed to get. I for one cannot see myself sitting at a desk for the rest of my life. My life cannot and should not solely be about making money to survive. It is just like in the toughest workout of the year in cross country. We are not meant to survive. Life is not about survuving, going through the motions to get to the next day or the next interval. Life is supposed to be about living. Thriving.
In questioning whether these dreams are the right ones, the speaker went on to say that it is ok, to find other things which make you happy. Living a life in which you are helping others. Living a life in which you get to smile everyday. Obviously money makes things less stressful and more comfortable, but does it truly make us happy?
This is our time. We must go out into the world and face these obstacles. We must face them head on, because life is going to be full of obstacles. And one of the greatest of these is going to be finding our own dreams. And as the quote at the top of the page says, taking those dreams and living them. Putting them into action. Making them a reality.
- T.E. Lawrence
So for some reason lately I am on this "Quote of the Day" kick. And today is just a continuation. Not only am I getting most of them from emails, but I find things people say are also influencing my interest.
Last week, I was given the opportunity to go to the Gig Harbor High School Class of 2010's graduation ceremonies. While yes I am an alumnus of the Gig, those who were freshmen when I was a senior have already taken their walk with Pomp and Circumstance. This class is one of the last ones I will still feel comfortable going to. I still have at least two more!
Anyways, to get to some semblence of a point, I must say that the class speakers this year were truly incredible. Taking risks and chances I have seen few others take. By far one of my favorite ever was that of Kenny Alfred just a year before my own graduation. He stood largely confident in front of his peers and recited his interpretation of a speech given by the President of the United States in the movie Independence Day. Obviously, hilarity ensued, but he did get his point across: To get out into the world. Because we can and we should.
During my graduation ceremonies we heard speakers tell a story of a young man building a trampoline and the fights and obstacles he had to endure. Upon a first encounter of the speech, one would think that there was really nothing in it that would relate to a high school graduation. However, upon a deeper interpretation, you could say that our clsas speakers were preparing us for the world we are now facing today. We are running into many obstacles: no job, little money, debt, etc. We have no idea what to do with our lives. Or maybe that is just me.
However, on this graduation day, I found myself being inspired to reach out. One particular speaker spoke of a different way of being, one thing I have truly been grappling with as of late. He said, in no uncertain terms, that what if our dreams are wrong. We are raised to dream and believe that we will go to college, graduate, meet our husbands or wives, have a huge house with a lot of money and nice cars, raise children and they will go on to do the same things. But what if those dreams are not fulfilling.
While it is a scary undertaking, that which makes uus happy, may not be the high paying job we are all supposed to get. I for one cannot see myself sitting at a desk for the rest of my life. My life cannot and should not solely be about making money to survive. It is just like in the toughest workout of the year in cross country. We are not meant to survive. Life is not about survuving, going through the motions to get to the next day or the next interval. Life is supposed to be about living. Thriving.
In questioning whether these dreams are the right ones, the speaker went on to say that it is ok, to find other things which make you happy. Living a life in which you are helping others. Living a life in which you get to smile everyday. Obviously money makes things less stressful and more comfortable, but does it truly make us happy?
This is our time. We must go out into the world and face these obstacles. We must face them head on, because life is going to be full of obstacles. And one of the greatest of these is going to be finding our own dreams. And as the quote at the top of the page says, taking those dreams and living them. Putting them into action. Making them a reality.
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